Exploring the Therapeutic Power of Writing with Megan Tones and Sheri Turner

How do you condense a lifetime of experiences into a single essay? Megan Tones reveals the challenges and triumphs of contributing to the "Heart of a Heart Warrior" anthology, where she found a way to spotlight positivity amid adversity. Joined by Sheri Turner, a supportive beta reader and CHD advocate, we explore how storytelling can be both a healing process and a community-building tool. Together, Megan and Sheri shed light on the transformative power of words in the CHD community.

Anticipation builds as we discuss the upcoming volume of "The Heart of a Heart Warrior" book series, focusing on themes of resilience and reflection. This volume aims to capture a wide range of experiences, from parenting older children with CHD to navigating the unique challenges posed by COVID-19. We also delve into the neuropsychological hurdles faced by CHD patients and offer practical advice for those interested in contributing their stories. 

The episode takes a heartfelt turn as we grapple with themes of grief, loss, and support. Sheri shares her personal journey of questioning faith after the devastating loss of her son Thomas, highlighting the importance of validating the emotions of bereaved parents. We discuss the impact of sharing these deeply personal stories and Anna also announces how she and Sheri will be co-editing "The Heart of a CHD Angel" which will offer support and encouragement for bereaved CHD parents. 

Megan and Sheri’s insights encourage potential writers to join the Scribophile group for support and feedback, ensuring their voices are heard. As we wrap up, we emphasize the significance of community advocacy and encourage listeners to leave a review, helping more people in the CHD community discover these stories of resilience and hope.

Helpful links:

Baby Hearts Press for more information about upcoming books
https://www.babyheartspress.com

Scribophile group for anthology contributors
https://www.scribophile.com/groups/heart-to-heart-writing-group

Thanks to our newest HUG Patron, Ayrton Beatty and long-standing Patrons: Laura Redfern, Pam Davis, Michael Liben, Nancy Jensen, Alicia Lynch, Deena Barber, Carlee McGuire, Carter & Faye Mayberry, and Frank Jaworski. We appreciate you!

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A bi-monthly podcast where we share the stories of our Caregivers, patients and...

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Chapters

• 0:00 H2HwAnna Sheri & Megan on Anthologies for BHP
• 14:29 [Ad] & so much more
• 15:17 (Cont.) H2HwAnna Sheri & Megan on Anthologies for BHP
• 16:08 Segment Two

Transcript

Sheri Turner: [00:00:00] I'm hoping that, what I write will help someone be able to hold on to something that'll help them see that they're gonna make it through it. 

Anna Jaworski: Welcome to Heart to Heart with Anna. I am Anna Jaworski and the mother of an adult with a single ventricle heart. That's the reason I'm the host of your program.

Today's guests are Megan Tones and Sheri Turner. Megan Tones is 41 years old. She was born in Australia with a large VSD and has had three open-heart surgeries. Megan works as a researcher with Rare Disease Registries and lives in Brisbane, Queensland, with her husband and two senior dogs, Panda and Coco.

In her spare time, she likes to write, sew, paint, and do gaming. In addition to being a co-editor of "The Heart of a Heart Warrior," she contributed four pieces to the book. And my long time loyal listeners will definitely know Megan because she has been on my program multiple [00:01:00] times and she and I took turns reading all three volumes of "The Heart of a Heart Warrior."

Sheri Turner is 55 and a mom to two angel babies, one with a CHD and three surviving children. Her firstborn, Thomas William Turner, was born with hypoplastic left heart syndrome, or HLHS, and pulmonary vein stenosis. He lived for 10 days before having the Norwood procedure and passing away at Children's Hospital in Boston in November of 1997. Sheri and her husband Steve went on to have Allison in 1999, Christopher in 2003, and Daniel in 2005. Sheri miscarried her child April in September of 2008. Sheri has spent time, since the loss of her firstborn, raising awareness of congenital heart defects, supporting those who are grieving the loss of their own children and raising her [00:02:00] surviving children -- and being an awesome wife and good friend.

So I'm super excited to have Sheri back on the program. My loyal listeners who were listening way back in season one will remember Sheri from the episode she did with me on Rainbow Babies. So welcome back to Heart to Heart with Anna, Megan. 

Megan Tones: Thank you, Anna. It's nice to be back. 

Anna Jaworski: I always love having you on the program, Megan.

 Welcome back to Heart to Heart with Anna, Sheri. 

Sheri Turner: Thanks for having me back, Anna. I always love being on your program, and helping behind the scenes when I can. 

Anna Jaworski: I'm so glad that you're actually in the studio with me today.

I love it when you work behind the scenes too. For those of you who don't know, both Sheri and Megan are volunteers with Hearts Unite the Globe, which is the nonprofit that supports this podcast. And both of them have helped with scriptwriting. In fact, they helped write the very script that we're using today for this program.

So [00:03:00] this is awesome to have both of you in the studio right now, and I want to talk about books. I know all three of us love books, and we've all found it therapeutic both to read and to write. Now, Megan, let me start with you. Can you share what your experience was like in writing essays for "The Heart of a Heart Warrior"?

Megan Tones: Sure. I remember when you put the call out back in 2018, I went into telling my story with a great deal of enthusiasm I had so many vivid memories about everything. But I tried to squeeze my whole life story into 1500 words. I was born at such and such a place; when I was six days old, this happened, but there are so many starts in CHD, aside from the start of your life.

There's taking responsibility for your appointments for the first time as an adult. And if you're unlucky, the start of new problems as an adult. 

Anna Jaworski: Yeah. 

Megan Tones: Then I thought, well, maybe I could start from there, but [00:04:00] it was still a struggle, maybe because I'm a researcher; I was sitting there thinking, 'Which way do I slice this? How do I distill all of my experience into one short essay?' And then I think we talked at one point and this idea came about that it was more about, Chicken-Soup-for-the-Soul type thing, like telling positive stories. Obviously, CHD's not to be sugar-coated and it's certainly not all happy and fun. 

I can remember some very painful things like it was yesterday, but... 

Anna Jaworski: Me, too. 

Megan Tones: ...the stories... Yeah, yeah, the stories do have to be uplifting in some way. So, once I started to think about the essay as a self-contained story, from a time or aspect of my life, they came together much more easily, for sure. 

Anna Jaworski: We both know you have a [00:05:00] book in yourself, Megan. You probably have multiple books. 

Megan Tones: I know, I know. 

Anna Jaworski: But it made it easier. Once you had written one, and then you wrote another, it was very easy to see where you could continue to share other stories that would be meaningful to our community. And you did such a great job. And I love the fact that you also submitted a piece of fiction. In all of the anthologies I've done, they've all been nonfiction, but we decided to have one chapter that was works of art, and it was so much fun to have your fiction story, and it's actually one of the essays that has received a number of comments from readers to me, saying, "Oh, wow, I really love this.

This was something completely different and surprising and new."

Megan Tones: Yeah, we took a risk with that, didn't we? But I'm glad that it worked and I'm really happy that that story got to see new life because it was heart-related in a way, in that actually the time that I [00:06:00] wrote that and submitted it originally, I was working on that on the lead up to my surgery and it was a really good distraction and the fact that it got accepted was just the icing on the cake.

Anna Jaworski: But You have more fiction in you. It's just a matter of time. 

Megan Tones: Yes. Yes. All over my computer, actually. 

Anna Jaworski: We're going to have to work on that together. 

Megan Tones: Yeah. 

Anna Jaworski: Because you have such a creative bent and I loved all the different nuances of your story. It was really amazing. One person who has enjoyed the anthologies over the years is Sheri.

You haven't been a contributor to one of our anthologies yet, Sheri, but you were a beta reader and I know you love to read. Can you explain to my listeners what it means to be a beta reader? 

Sheri Turner: Being a beta reader means, basically you get first pass at reading the [00:07:00] stories that people submit. And it really infuses me with a lot of hope to be able to read these. It's exciting to see, like... the one that comes to mind is, there was one story about a teenage girl who had a zipper scar and I guess she regularly went to a water park every year with her family. She didn't want to go this year and her mother was trying to figure out why and she ended up helping a young boy who had a zipper scar as well. I really liked hearing that she was encouraging, the boy so that he wasn't feeling quite as self-conscious and it helped her also to feel less self-conscious.

Anna Jaworski: That's Laura Ryan. 

Sheri Turner: Yeah, that's who it was. And I really enjoyed stories like that because it shows how getting out of your own head and helping someone else sometimes can be very nurturing to yourself as well. 

Anna Jaworski: And you were also a beta reader for "The Heart of a [00:08:00] Father." 

Sheri Turner: Yes, I was.

Anna Jaworski: You told me a fun story about that. 

Sheri Turner: If I'm remembering what you're referring to, I missed an airplane because I was being a beta reader. 

Anna Jaworski: Yes.

Sheri Turner: I completely missed the last call for the airplane because I was so absorbed in reading the book. I was going to see my sister in Texas actually. And the airline was gracious enough to get me another flight and reroute me. It took a lot longer, but that's okay. It was my mistake for getting so riveted by your book. 

Anna Jaworski: I'm sorry you missed your plane, but that cracked me up when you told me. So when you're a beta reader for me, friends, I create a survey with a number of questions to help me know--Is this book ready to publish?

Or are there some kinks that we still need to work out before we go to publishing? And Sheri shared that story with me because I said, ' Did you [00:09:00] find it interesting or were there any places that took you out of the story?' She said, " No, absolutely not. I missed my flight." And she said, "They called my name." I think you said somebody even came over and asked you, "Miss, are you on this flight?" And you were so engrossed in the book that you didn't even hear them. 

Sheri Turner: Exactly true. I ended up meeting my sister at three o'clock in the morning, as opposed to the prior 10 o'clock in the evening that I was supposed to be meeting her.

Anna Jaworski: Oh my goodness. I knew you would be great for helping me with future books because you obviously love to read and you can get into the stories like you're there. And I'm the same way. My mother used to get angry at me because she would call me to dinner and I would be so engrossed in a book, I never heard her and she thought I was ignoring her. But I wasn't. I just didn't hear her. I'm so excited that you're going to be working with me and we'll be talking more [00:10:00] about that in one of the next segments. Megan, what was the most challenging part of creating the different pieces that you did for "The Heart of a Heart Warrior"?

Megan Tones: It wasn't an essay at all that was the most difficult, because you'll notice if you've read the book or heard the audio book, Anna and I split the introductions 50/50 and we decided that I should write the introduction for Facing My Mortality, which is a very raw and honest chapter about the most difficult aspect of CHD which is that we're confronted with our mortality typically much earlier than most people and sadly, despite us trying to do everything right and do all the right things, some of us don't make it. If you've read the book, you'll know that half of the contributors from that chapter [00:11:00] actually passed away during the production of the book.

So their names were Becca Atherton, David Franco, and Travis Martin. I agonized over writing that introduction and thought, 'How do I do these people justice? Writing their essays and contributions was very important to them, as it was to every contributor, but these people had passed away and, in a sense, this book would form at least part of their legacy. And it's arguably one of the most important chapters of the book, although everything in there is important and has a place definitely. Last night I reread the intro again, and the story of how I wrote it is in there, and in the end, I just decided to be honest about my own thoughts and [00:12:00] experiences around that topic and hoped that it was enough.

Anna Jaworski: It was. It was beautiful. I think it was something that everybody could relate to and you did an excellent job. 

Well, Sheri, you are about to contribute your first piece to one of the anthologies. What makes you most excited about being on the writing end of the process instead of being the reader?

Sheri Turner: From the writing end, I'm excited to offer my perspective. I've been a grieving mom for 27 years. Thomas, this November would have been 27. I want to encourage others who experience the kind of grief we went through, and assure those that are newly grieving that you can find a way to go on because it does not feel like it when you first experience it.

No matter how deeply you're affected, your marriage can survive, your relationships can endure, and you can find [00:13:00] a way to rise from the ashes of your pain and develop new ways of operating and understanding things. I'm hoping that what I write will help someone be able to hold on to something that'll help them see that they're gonna make it through it. 

Anna Jaworski: Knowing that you're not alone, you're not the first, you're not the only, there are other people and yeah, they can use you and Steve as role models for how to get through this because there really aren't any handbooks on how to survive life without your children.

It feels alien to most of us to even think about that. 

Sheri Turner: I'm excited to help anybody that experiences this know that they don't have to keep quiet about it. 

 [00:14:00] [00:15:00] 

Segment Two

Anna Jaworski: Megan, we've chosen the theme of resilience and reflection for volume four of "The Heart of a Heart Warrior." What kind of essays do you think we'll receive on that theme? 

Megan Tones: I think resilience and reflection are both extremely broad topics. I would love to see some contributions from people of different ages. In the community, I think there are some young people today growing up with extremely complex conditions and doing really, really well. Whereas in my generation or older age groups, that probably wouldn't have been [00:16:00] possible. I'd also like to see some essays about lessons learned about navigating life with CHD from older people.

I think there are some topics that we didn't see in our last book that could be good to see in this book, like parenting an older child when you have CHD. We had quite a few stories about mums with CHD having babies, but it would be really nice to see how some of these moms are doing as their kids get older.

Anna Jaworski: Yeah. Gwenyth Murphy told me that she's planning on writing that very essay. 

Megan Tones: That would be excellent. I would love to see that. 

Anna Jaworski: I'm so excited to see what that will be like because you're right. I've been really amazed to see some people with very complex congenital heart conditions raising children to adulthood. It's so inspiring to me. 

Megan Tones: Yeah, yeah, definitely. Another topic that we [00:17:00] didn't get in the last book was around CHD and relationships. So I'd like to see some essays, from people who've been married for a long time about their experiences with dating and having a longer term relationship with CHD. Because I think that's something a lot of people wonder about as well. 'Will my child get married?' Or if you're the person with CHD, 'Will I be able to find somebody?' I think that's a great source of anxiety for some people. 

Anna Jaworski: I'm wondering if we're going to get some essays from people who had to deal with hospitalizations during COVID because... talk about resilience.

If you were not resilient at that time it wouldn't have been impossible to survive. It won't surprise me if people submit essays that have to do with COVID.

Megan Tones: Yeah, yeah, because that was really tough. A lot of surgeries [00:18:00] were postponed and I remember at the time being so glad that I didn't have anything major going on, but for the first year of COVID, I had a lot of trouble with arrhythmias and I was taking magnesium like crazy, trying to slow them down and stay out of hospital.

So it wasn't a fun time knowing that if you went to hospital, you could potentially end up sicker than when you went in, you know? 

Anna Jaworski: Yes, exactly. Do you already know what you might like to write about with the new book? 

Megan Tones: I have started an essay. I'm not quite sure what it'll morph into. It started with my inability to learn to drive, which led to some neuropsychological testing, which had some interesting results. That's another whole area, isn't it? The neuropsychology and CHD.

Anna Jaworski: Yes, yes, [00:19:00] absolutely. 

Megan Tones: I learned a lot about myself in that process and that I didn't just feel different because of my CHD and I'll leave it at that for now. I'll have to do my essay. 

Anna Jaworski: Yes, I've been lucky enough to see the beginnings of this and the interesting thing is I've spoken to a number of other CHDers your age and older who also had trouble driving and they just thought it was something with them.

They didn't realize that there may be a heart connection to that. So I think that essay will be something that a lot of people can relate to. 

Megan Tones: Yeah, I think so. I've started the draft and it's in Scribophile so if you join Scribophile, you'll be able to find it.

Anna Jaworski: That's perfect, because my next question was, what advice do you have for people who are interested in writing for one of our anthologies? 

Megan Tones: Advice? have three pieces of advice. [00:20:00] So as they say in Australia, "have a go." So the first one is we have a group page on Scribophile where potential contributors can come together and discuss ideas and share their drafts and get feedback.

So I'd say if you have something that you feel passionate about, proud of, or that you think is unique to you, come along and run it by our group. If you don't really want to do that right away, my second piece of advice is that you could start journaling. Write a few sentences a day and build up from there and see what comes to mind, and then just go back over it a few weeks later.

Just be aware though, if you're thinking about your experiences and writing a lot about them and they're in your head, sometimes the negative experiences and emotions associated with that can seem more vivid and present than the positive ones.

Megan Tones: [00:21:00] So that might be a bit hard for some people, and I think if you're having any sort of trouble with those sorts of things, as always, it's a good idea to talk to someone and seek help. The last one is to talk to your family and friends for ideas, because they might remember some things that you don't, or they might see some things about you that are really interesting and remarkable that wouldn't have occurred to you otherwise. In our last book, we had an essay from Monica about her service dog that was really interesting.

But in the beginning, she felt like she didn't really have an exciting story to tell. The story of her and Jax is fantastic. And I think that's probably been one of our most popular stories. I certainly enjoyed hearing about Jax and her bond with him. 

Anna Jaworski: Absolutely. And she wasn't sure how to get started. It was by [00:22:00] working with us and us giving her feedback that she was able to refine that story and make it as good as it is. That is one thing that I think makes us unique because if you were to contribute to "Chicken Soup for the Soul" or so many of the other anthologies that are out there, they expect you to give publication-ready essays.

They don't want an essay that needs to be worked on, but we actually work with the authors to help them tell their best story. And that is something that I think is a really unique experience. And it made us really close to the contributors. Don't you think Megan? 

Megan Tones: Yeah, it did. I've worked with a number of them fairly closely over a long period of time.

The stories we got as a result, I think were excellent. I think that we helped to bring out the best in people and I hope that they feel that way [00:23:00] as well. We're open to pretty much anything, so please surprise us. My last piece of advice is to not try and squeeze your whole life story into one little essay. You have the chance to submit a bio with your story. You'll notice all of our contributors have a bio so you can provide that very basic information if you want to about where you were born and what your CHD was and what procedures you've had for it so that frees up space in your story for story! 

Anna Jaworski: Exactly. Talking about something else like Jeni Busta talked about bullying and I love that Sheri was touched by Laura Ryan's story about her experience with being embarrassed about her scar and overcoming her embarrassment when she saw another person who was much younger than her who was struggling the same way that she had. She had an epiphany [00:24:00] being with him and it probably changed both of their lives for the better, which I think is a beautiful story. Laura, too, wasn't exactly sure how she wanted to tell her story, but it was by working with us that she came to refine her story. Laura's the only person who wrote for both "The Heart of a Mother" and for "The Heart of a Heart Warrior."

I hope she'll write for Volume 4 as well. I've already had a number of people (say they want to write for the book). Hannah Dillon is planning on contributing. Carl Wolford is planning on contributing an essay. And none of these people are professional writers. And that's okay, because Megan and I will be working with you and we will be helping you. But the best way we can help you is through Scribophile. So I just had my first writer's retreat, and I'm super excited with how well that went.

I taught a writing technique called proprioceptive writing that I [00:25:00] am going to be teaching on Scribophile to any of the people who belong to the Heart to Heart group, which is the name of our writing group on Scribophile. This is free, friends. It doesn't cost you any money to join Scribophile, It's a writer's forum -- a place where people can come together who want to write for certain genres. And when I found Scribophile, I wrote to the man who owns Scribophile. And I said, "Oh my gosh, I have been looking for something like this to help me with my anthologies. Can I have my own group?" 

And he said, "Absolutely." So we do have a group called 'Heart to Heart' and we can share information on there and get feedback from each other. Getting feedback from other readers and other writers is so helpful. What I've discovered is: the more I write, the more I want to write, and it opens the floodgates to creativity. Is that how you feel, Megan? 

Megan Tones: Yeah, writing is sort of like [00:26:00] working out, I think is a good analogy, as you write more, you get stronger in a sense, you get more endurance with writing, but also you can't write all day, like can you imagine if you stood there and lifted weights all day long? You would not be able to move the next day.

And I think writing can be a bit like that. If you really push yourself and have a really huge day of writing, the next day, you're just like, "Oh, I can't even think." But I think that's one of the best ways to approach it is through that consistency. Start small, like even just with a few sentences, and then build up from there.

I think you'll be surprised at what you would be able to do. 

Anna Jaworski: I agree. And with the proprioceptive writing, it's a 20-25-minute writing session. So it's not too exhausting, but it does open that opportunity for you to examine something that's on your heart or that's in your [00:27:00] mind. And you get it out on paper.

We will start doing some regular proprioceptive writing together. And one of the women who came to my workshop is writing with me three days a week. We're already meeting on Zoom. So I would be happy to open that up to other people who would like to meet with us. 

Megan Tones: I think that getting together and writing on Zoom at a set time can be a really great way to stay accountable and get things done.

So you would have a writing meeting in a sense that you would come onto the Zoom meeting, you would say hello, you would mute yourself and then just write for half an hour or an hour or however long you wanted to. That could be a great way to have your consistent practice. Treat it like you have a meeting with yourself to do your writing.

Anna Jaworski: I've been doing it now for a little over a week and I [00:28:00] find myself going to bed at night thinking, 'Oh, I can't wait till I get up because I want to write about this.' And I get really excited because I know that once I'm done sleeping, I'm going to have a chance to write something that is on my heart.

That has been really valuable for me. 

Megan Tones: Exactly.

Anna Jaworski: You get into that mindset, don't you? 

Megan Tones: Yes, absolutely. 

Anna Jaworski: Sheri, I think this is the first time for us to publicly announce that you'll be my co-editor for "The Heart of a CHD Angel." What do you think would be the most challenging part of editing a book about CHD angels?

Sheri Turner: I think the challenging part is, you have, an [00:29:00] overall, purpose to the book as a whole, but, you have to balance that against the tone, flavor, and intention of each contributor's piece because you want to be able to honor their stories. They want to feel seen and heard, which is a really important part to the healing process. But you also want to encourage people to see the possibilities of what can be and people who have lost somebody that they love can feel pretty bleak.

So you want to listen to what they have to say, but you also want to nudge people and encourage people to be positive, and like I said, open to possibilities. 

Anna Jaworski: Yeah. I think what you said about honoring the voices of the contributors and still honoring the tone of the book, how sometimes that can seem at [00:30:00] odds and I'm sure we could share some stories with you about how we worked with authors for "The Heart of a Heart Warrior" and we just had certain criteria for the essays that we weren't really willing to budge on and that was in order to keep the tone a certain way. I think you're right.

I think that is a huge challenge because we don't want to change everybody's voice so everybody sounds alike; how boring would that be? 

Sheri Turner: Right. And you also don't want to be a Pollyanna. People going through tough stuff like this. They need to feel like there is a place for them to be upset and angry and question things. But you also want to point towards the light. 

Maybe I can share a little bit of my story here in that. When we first lost Thomas, I had been [00:31:00] a, fairly devout Christian most of my life, and I found myself deeply questioning God and quite angry with him, actually. I felt that he could have warned me that there was a problem before I had Thomas and I did not get any warning whatsoever. I was very hurt about that and angry, and I shared that with my minister. His response for me was perfect. His response was, "God can handle you being angry. It's okay to be angry. Anger is a relationship.' I was angry for many, years about that. 

Anna Jaworski: I think if you have a relationship with a human, it's normal to go through periods where you might be angry.

So why wouldn't you expect if you have a relationship with God to also sometimes feel angry? I think it's unrealistic to not have those feelings [00:32:00] at times. So then the question becomes, "When I do have those feelings of anger, what do I do with it?" And I'm glad to know that you had a minister who you felt you could be honest with and who could handle that honesty and talk to you in a way that you found comforting.

Because sadly, a lot of times when I talk to people in the CHD community, the elders that they go to don't necessarily validate their feelings. 

Sheri Turner: Right, right. I think a lot of it is a misguided attempt, to protect somebody's faith. Having faith doesn't mean having all the answers.

Anna Jaworski: Thank heavens. 

Sheri Turner: Yeah. 

Anna Jaworski: Because I think we'd all be in a lot of trouble. 

Sheri Turner: Right. It has to be okay for you to question your faith. It [00:33:00] has to be because it's not a true faith if you can't test it and poke at it, and look at it from different angles. What I've arrived at in, I'm not saying my answer is the one and only answer, but for me, the truth is the truth, no matter what you do to it.

I don't have all the answers, but I feel that the ability to sit with the fact that nobody has all the answers for me, reinforced my faith. And I know that sounds contradictory to some, but, um, you have to, in an honest relationship, sometimes accept 'I don't know.'

Anna Jaworski: Yes. Yes. And we're human, so we don't know. We have God in us. Thank heavens. Because I believe that the part that allows us to connect with others and have these deep relationships, to me, that's God--being able [00:34:00] to see God in one another and appreciate that in one another. 

Sheri Turner: Absolutely. You need to be able to leave room for possibilities. There needs to be, 'I don't have the answer yet.' 

Anna Jaworski: Oh, I have a whole laundry list of questions for God someday (laughter). What kind of essays do you think most bereaved parents would be able to relate to? And by that I also mean, which ones do you think they're going to want to write? And the ones that they want to write may not necessarily be the ones that they need to read. 

Sheri Turner: I think most bereaved parents, they want to hear about the doubts and fears that they wrestle with when they lose their child.

I mean, did they make the right decisions? Were they supported by their friends, family, medical team, whatever their faith is, were they supported? Can their marriage survive the catastrophe? [00:35:00] What's been helpful in coping with the death of their child? What's not been helpful? I've had a lot of things said to me that, when I told people subsequently they're in disbelief. I had one friend tell me that maybe God knew I wasn't going to be a good mother. 

Anna Jaworski: Oh, Sheri! You know, that's not true. 

Sheri Turner: Subsequently, that person is not my friend. 

Anna Jaworski: Nobody who would say that to you is a friend.

Sheri Turner: Yeah. 

Anna Jaworski: That makes me so sad. Yeah. I have heard this so much with the grief podcasts that I've worked with. In fact, it's almost a running joke with Michael, the host--things that should never be said that have been said. So I agree with you. I think knowing that you're not the only one who has had unkind things said to you. The bad thing is that I think people say things sometimes from pure [00:36:00] ignorance.

Luckily for them, they've never lost anyone significant, and they don't know what to say. 

Sheri Turner: There are so many things that people think they're trying to help when they say, and sometimes you have to be okay with just sitting with the person and saying, "I don't know what to say.

I know this is awful. And I'm sorry this happened, but I don't know what to say to you." That, a lot of times, was the most helpful thing. I had a friend, Denise, who showed up at my house shortly after my son died. I didn't want to let her in 'cause I was embarrassed because my house was a disaster.

I hadn't cleaned it in a very long time because I just fell apart. She just said, "Let me in. I don't care what your house looks like. I care about you." She came in and she cleaned my house. 

Anna Jaworski: Oh, wow. That's a good friend. 

Sheri Turner: It is. 

Anna Jaworski: That's a very good friend. 

Sheri Turner: And sometimes that's all you need. You just need somebody to care enough [00:37:00] to go, you know what, I'm gonna go and see where it is that they need help. There are a lot of people that'll say, "Hey, call me if you need anything," but sometimes you just need to show up.

Anna Jaworski: We need to have a whole chapter about that--where people just show up so people can read other people's stories of things that loved ones have done. Because I think what's hard is when someone loses someone, whether it's a child or a parent or a sibling, if you haven't experienced that same loss, you don't know what to do and you're afraid of doing the wrong thing.

And let's face it, everybody's different. You took the right way, her act of love. Some people may have been embarrassed, and that would have been the wrong thing to do. So you really have to know your audience. You have to know the person that you're working with that they would take that in the right way.

But I think that just planting the seeds of: for Sheri, it was really [00:38:00] helpful when this friend just went and said, "Let me do this for you. I can't take away the pain; I can't take away the horrible thing that has happened to you, but I can clean your house." I think that might plant seeds in other people's minds of: 'Oh, I could take someone a meal, or I could go clean someone's house, or I could go mow someone's grass.'

Sheri Turner: That's precisely the kind of thing that's helpful and, it can show up in all kinds of ways. My son Thomas died, and was buried the day before Thanksgiving and the following year, I wanted nothing to do with Thanksgiving. Steve and I were just like, "Nope, we don't want to."

My mom, trying to help, insisted that we needed to have a Thanksgiving. Kind of pushed me on the subject, so I relented. I ordered all this food and was going to prepare this turkey and then at the last minute she backed out. So once [00:39:00] again, my friend Denise--I was just venting to her, just telling her how aggravated I was about it... She brought her kids. And we had Thanksgiving with her. Even though I didn't really want to have Thanksgiving; it was kind of like already done. And if you have a 15 pound turkey, it doesn't really do good for two people. 

Anna Jaworski: No, it doesn't. Oh, my goodness. 

Sheri Turner: She understood that was another way she could help, so she brought her kids over.

Anna Jaworski: Boy, this Denise! I want to meet Denise. She sounds amazing. 

Sheri Turner: I really wish you could, but unfortunately she died a few years later of breast cancer. 

Anna Jaworski: Oh, Sheri, I'm so sorry. 

Sheri Turner: Thank you. Yeah, she was a really good person. And I miss her every day. She did some really kind things just because that's who she was.

Anna Jaworski: Amazing. What do you think is going to be the most important message [00:40:00] for bereaved parents to take away from the book we're going to put together, Sheri? 

Sheri Turner: I think that they need to understand that their child mattered and they still matter. Death has forever changed them, but good can come out of that change. They're never going to get rid of the pain, probably, but you can use that pain and transform your perspective on life. It's never a good thing when somebody dies. You lose that relationship, you lose that person, but you can use that pain to help you look at things in a different way. 

Anna Jaworski: Yeah. You can transcend the experience. I am really looking forward to putting together "The Heart of a CHD Angel" and I have another friend who is going to be co-editing with us, but I haven't had a chance to talk to her in a couple months. So we're going to have to do another episode of the [00:41:00] podcast when we get to introduce her as well. And we're ready to start taking essays for this book. I know so many of you have stories to share. You've shared them on "Heart to Heart with Anna," and that has been such a blessing for me and my listeners. And I hope that you will be willing to share them in this book. 

Sheri Turner: I am absolutely wanting to contribute to this book, Anna. 

Anna Jaworski: 

I know you have some stories in there, and I'm going to pull them out of you if I have to, but I don't think I'm going to have to work hard. I think they're at the surface, and you just need that little nudge to put some of those feelings and words to paper. Thomas has already touched so many lives in so many different ways through the activities that you have done in his honor and in his memory. So now it's just time for us to put some of that down on paper and I think you're going to be amazed at how many people you can help even [00:42:00] if you don't get an email or a physical letter, you will know that Thomas's story has helped others.

Sheri Turner: Absolutely. Thank you so much for doing this, Anna. It means a lot to me that you are. 

Anna Jaworski: It means a lot to me to be able to work with you and to be able to work with Megan and so many other wonderful people throughout the years.

It has just been such a blessing for me to have these anthologies to work on and I'm super excited to see the stories that we have come out and I know some of them are going to be filled with angst but I also know that even though we go through these really dark times sometimes. That's what makes us appreciate the good times.

It's that yin and yang of life, don't you think?

Sheri Turner: Absolutely. 

Anna Jaworski: People have said to me, "Oh, I don't know how you can handle the things that you've [00:43:00] been through." 

And I said, "I didn't know I had a choice." 

Sheri Turner: Yeah. 

Anna Jaworski: We don't really have a choice in that.

Sheri Turner: It's not really a buffet. 

Anna Jaworski: No, it's not. But you know, what we can handle is how we choose to react to the things that have happened to us.

And I honestly feel that becoming a mother, living with CHD, starting this podcast and writing the books. All of these things have been, I believe, God-driven, and that this is my mission on earth is to help people in these various ways. 

Sheri Turner: You're doing a fabulous job, 

Anna Jaworski: Oh, you're so sweet. I think when you feel God's hand in your life and you feel that what you're doing is for a greater purpose than for yourself, it makes you eager to get out of bed every morning. I can't wait to turn on my computer and see who has written to me, or who's going to be coming on my podcast, or who's going to be contributing to [00:44:00] one of my books. I just feel so blessed because I know people all over the world and I feel like we're friends, even if we've never met face-to-face.

And then when I do get to meet face-to-face, like meeting you, Sheri, it has been such a joy.

Sheri Turner: It's likewise. 

Anna Jaworski: I get to meet Megan! Frank has a professional conference in Australia. I get to meet her face-to-face, and I can't wait for that, Megan. 

Megan Tones: Yeah, that's next year, I think, isn't it? 

Anna Jaworski: It's 2026, so, unfortunately, it's a little bit over...

Megan Tones: Yeah

Anna Jaworski: ... a little bit more than a year, but I'm already making plans.

I'm already super excited about us getting a chance to meet. 

Megan Tones: It'll be 2026 before we know it. 

Anna Jaworski: It will, and I will be bringing volumes one, two, and three so I can get your signature. And hopefully by then maybe we'll be at the point where we can publish volume four.

That would be super exciting. 

Megan Tones: Yeah, yeah. I wonder how many essays we're going to get, like we might end up with a volume [00:45:00] five and a six for all we know. 

Anna Jaworski: Oh, hopefully so. I can see this becoming a series that just doesn't end because the stories are never going to end and I can see us putting together volumes on so many different themes...

I cannot believe it's already time to close the show.

Anna Jaworski: You guys are so much fun to talk to. I could talk to you all for...ever! That's why I have. I've talked to both of you girls for years and that's not about to stop. So thank you so much, Sheri, for coming on the program today. I cannot wait for us to start working with authors on "The Heart of a CHD Angel."

Sheri Turner: Sounds great to me. I can't wait either. 

Anna Jaworski: And thank you so much, Megan, for coming back on the program today. I can't wait for us to start working on "The Heart of a Heart Warrior: Volume 4."

Megan Tones: No worries, Anna. It was great to come back on the show today, and I'm really excited to start on Volume [00:46:00] 4 as well. I can't wait to read some of the essays that people have been sending in to us.

I'm really looking forward to it. 

Anna Jaworski: Me too. I think this is going to be a monumental year for Baby Hearts Press 2025. We hopefully will be getting ready to publish some more books and help people to tell their stories because I think everybody has a story in them, and some people have a lot of stories in them.

And it's an honor to me to be able to give them a platform. And that does conclude this episode of "Heart to Heart with Anna." Thanks for listening today, my friends. Please consider leaving a review of our podcast on whatever platform you're using to listen. That helps other people in the CHD community know what the podcast is about.

Have a great week and remember, my friends, you are not alone. 

 [00:47:00]